October 31 - 18, 2005
October 18
Look Mummy, there's an aero plane up in the sky!
What a freakin weird weekend. Blame it on the full moon, too much alcohol and a teeny bit of manic depression and not enough meds.
Friday = Vixens
Saturday
Christian took me to a pumpkin patch and it was such a beautiful day and we picked out pumpkins and apples. She’s going to carve the pumpkins with me and she already made pumpkin pie and apple pie and delivered them last night. That was freakin awesome!
She also helped me set up dinner at the track on Saturday before she had to go be Buzzy the mascot. I was going to do the trophy ceremony but I had to leave because we where scheduled to close on our home equity loan at around the same time that the trophies where to be given out. Kinda makes me sad because it’s the last one of the year. Then M and I went to Vixens with all my friends from the race track and I got to drunk and flirted way too much and yeah, not so good. M almost beat up someone I knew from the track because he came up behind me and put his arms around my shoulders. Poor Gabe, M scared the crap out of him.
Sunday
I got up and went straight to the track to say good bye to everyone. Goes to say Gabe didn’t even look at me. M didn’t know who he was. Honestly, you should always introduce yourself before you touch another man’s wife. Anyway, I’ll miss those guys. I don’t know if I’ll be so involved next year. It’s just getting so difficult to keep M from being jealous.
I’ll have to tell you about the wine festival tomorrow. See ya!
3:57 PM –
_________________________
October 20
Who sucks? You suck!
Ok, the hot air balloon and wine festival.
There’s a reason why they include the wine with balloons. If it’s too windy balloons don’t fly so it’s a good idea to include so happy juice so no-one notices.
Anyhow, my brother, sister and niece met us there along with Brandy/Mary from the club and her boyfriend and a few other friends showed up. It was brisk and windy but we managed to have a nice picnic on the lawn. I didn’t get to hang out enough with my family as I wanted to and I feel guilty about that. We got split up because we showed up late and had to get our wine and they had already done that. I’m going to have to call my bro and hang out with him soon. Brandy/Mary, her boyfriend Cal, M and I went to Hunter’s Head (http://www.ayrshirefarm.com/HuntersHead.php) after the wine fest and ate dinner. M and Cal managed to get along pretty well. Especially since Cal’s first impression wasn’t that great. It kinda went like this: we just showed up at the club and Cal was there and Brandy introduced us. Cal grabbed hold of me and M is like – “Hi, my names M can you put down my wife?” Cal had started drinking way before we got there and before the end of the night he’s trying to give M a lap dance. Yeah, it started off rocky but Cal really is a cool person and the second impression was much better.
Anyway, Brandy/Mary had wonderful time. She doesn’t drink that much so after one glass she was feeling really good. It was nice to be able to relax and talk without the loud music.
I’m feeling sick this week, I think I’ve got a cold or allergies. Either way it’s not curable.
Yesterday was rough because I was having flashbacks of when my Dad passed and by the time I got home I was ready to burst. I had told M earlier in the day that I needed to go home and take a hot bath because my shoulders where hurting so much that my hands are seizing up again. I walked in the door and he was already running the bath water for me. And I just broke down and sobbed for an hour. I told him everything. All the memories I’d been having and how I wished it could all have been different and how I really want my Dad back. It’ll be two months tomorrow and I don’t think it’s any easier than it was the day after he died. If anyone mentions Thanksgiving or Christmas my stomach goes into knots. I didn’t like those holidays to begin with, but it was just another reason to go see my Dad. Now, I’ve got an empty space. It’s easy for me to say that M and I will have to fill that void but I’m scared to rely on only one person. It took Dad and M to keep me going before. I’ll just take it one day at a time. I’m really close to finding a psychologist again. I think I need a shrinkin.
I don’t have any plans for this weekend. Just going to catch up with stuff around the house I suppose.
I’m still trying to put together in my head a poem or song or something that describes my feelings but once I start digging in it hurts to bad. Scratching at the festering wound is what it feels like.
I went through all of my old emails at work today. I would keep them just in case I ever had to refer back. Sometimes personal ones got missed and ended up in there. Here’s all that I found between my Dad and me. And a conversation from Liz and I when Dad went in.
-----Original Message-----
From: Carl [mailto:ec @msn.com]
Sent: Friday, May 14, 2004 3:51 PM
To: Candy
Subject: HA
I found another one in the back lawn.
----- Original Message -----
From: Candy
To: 'Carl '
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 8:03 AM
Subject: RE: HA
I've seen about 400 of them in my yard, they must not have gotten the memo! I suppose we'll be feasting on Cicada Crisps at the bake.
Candy
-----Original Message-----
From: Carl [mailto:ec @msn.com]
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 9:08 AM
To: Candy
Subject: Re: HA
Liz found another one on the front deck yesterday. I have not seen any more. I can hear them in the distance, but so far, none.
----- Original Message -----
From: Candy
To: 'Carl
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 9:09 AM
Subject: RE: HA
Do they eat hosta's? They're all over them.
Candy
-----Original Message-----
From: Carl
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 9:11 AM
To: Candy
Subject: Re: HA
Anything big they are not supposed to eat. Just little stuff. Baby trees etc.
Original Message -----
From: Candy
To: 'Carl
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 9:11 AM
Subject: RE: HA
I don't see them on my trees just the hosta's I hope they don't hurt my dogwoods.
Candy
-----Original Message-----
From: Carl
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 9:17 AM
To: Candy
Subject: Re: HA
Luci may eat some. They are good protein. But if she eats too many she won't be able to dugest the shells and then throw up.
Is Marci and Sabrina still coming to bake?
----- Original Message -----
From: Candy
To: 'Carl
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 9:17 AM
Subject: RE: HA
No, Marci couldn't change her plane tickets w/out avoiding the fee.
Candy
----- -----Original Message-----
From: Carl ]
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 9:19 AM
To: Candy
Subject: Re: HA
What plane tickets?
----- Original Message -----
From: Candy
To: 'Carl
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 9:20 AM
Subject: RE: HA
She's going to Arkansas to see her boyfriend graduate from Air force academy on Thursday. She's to come back on Sunday night.
Candy M.
-----Original Message-----
From: Carl
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 9:22 AM
To: Candy
Subject: Re: HA
Gotcha
----- Original Message -----
From: Candy
To: 'Carl
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 9:22 AM
Subject: RE: HA
Were you able to get ahold CVP?
Candy
From: Carl ]
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 9:22 AM
Tried several times at different times and got no answer or answering machine. They mat be very bust with the swimming season with Kirsten and Gunnar. Will try again tonight.
The fish guy that was on millwood ave disappeared and don't know where he went.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: ec[
> Sent: Thursday, March 18, 2004 9:52 AM
> To: Candy ; ec ; ec .com
> Subject: Trying Email
>
> Good Moring to you.
> I am trying an AT&T email program.
> Can you respond to this address
-----Original Message-----
From: e[
Sent: Thursday, March 18, 2004 3:32 PM
To: Candy
Subject: RE: Trying Email
Just thought I would try another ISP and see what the difference is.
How is your world going?
Love you
> Candy >>> Candy7/21/2005 8:36:00 AM >>>
Carpel tunnel, resp infection, 3 year old, great husband. And you?
Hi, I don't have your work number. I called WMC and found out how Dad was doing. They said he was doing better today.
----Original Message-----
From: Elizabeth
Sent: Thursday, July 21, 2005 8:43 AM
To: TC
Subject: Re: Hi
I stopped by this a.m. and he was more peaceful but still couldn't take a deep breath. I spoke with the doctor again and he said that he'd had a much better night. The objective now is to calm down the gall bladder and even out the chemical balance in his body. I was going to stay but he seemed stable and like he was going to sleep all day. i have a meeting this a.m. I'll check at noon.
>>> Candy Cr <7/21/2005>>>
Hi, where you able to find out how he was or should I call him?
Candy
-----Original Message-----
From: Elizabeth
Sent: Thursday, July 21, 2005 2:08 PM
To: T
Subject: RE: Hi
I was there around lunch time. He's very groggy. I thought he'd never get the first sip of his soup in his mouth, he was so slow. He didn't have much of an appetite but he ate some stuff - all liquids. I didn't stay very long because he kept falling asleep. Blood pressure, Oxygen level, and heart rate all look good. If you call, I doubt that you will get him. Although Caren did. You might catch him awake. Mom
>>> Candy > 7/21/2005 2:09:58 PM >>>
Love you.
Candy
From: Elizabeth
Sent: Thursday, July 21, 2005 2:08 PM
To: T
Subject: RE: Hi
DITTO
mOM
5:00 PM –
____________________________________________________________________________
October 24
Talking about Temple of Reality Taking this from Melissa's page. I think that my bathroom is pretty standard except for the pink waterproof vibrator sitting on a shelf underneath the sink.
Quote
Temple of Reality
I have been in "cleaning mode" today and I was just wondering. Did you ever go to somebody's house for dinner or a party or something and then use the family bathroom? And while you were in there, did you ever take a look in the medicine cabinet? Just to kind of compare notes, you know? Didn't you ever---just look around---a little? I had a friend who used to do it all the time. He claimed he was doing research for his Ph.D. in sociology. He said lots of other people snoop in the medicine cabinets as well. And they're not working on a Ph.D. in sociology. It's not something people talk about much---because you think you might be the only one who is doing it, and you don't want people to think you're strange, right? My friend used to say if you wanted to know the truth about people, the bathroom is the place to go. All you have to do is look in the drawers and shelves and cabinets. And take a look at the robes and pajamas and nightgowns hanging on the hook behind the door. You'll get the picture. All their habits and hopes and dreams and sorrows, illnesses and hang-ups, and even their sex life---all stand revealed in that one small room. Most people are secret slobs *cough*. The deepest mysteries of the race are tucked into the nooks and crannies of the bathroom, where we go to be alone, to confront ourselves in the mirror, to comb and curry and scrape and preen our hides, to coax our aging and ailing bodies into one more day, to clean ourselves and relieve ourselves, to paint and deodorize our surfaces, to meditate and consult our oracle and attempt to improve our lot. He said it's all there. In cans and bottles and tubes and boxes and vials. Potions and lotions and perfumes and appliances and soaps and powders and medicines and devices beyond description---some electric, some not. He said he found most bathrooms are about the same. What a sense of wondrous unity of the human race. I don't intend to start an epidemic of spelunking in people’s bathrooms. But I did just go take a look at my own. I get the picture. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. There I am. Go take a look. In your own Temple of Reality.
And from now on, please go to the bathroom at home before you visit me.
My bathroom is closed to the public. ________________________________________________________________
October 25
Stand UP!
I MADE IT ON SOMEONE’S FAVORITE LIST! MY LIFE IS NOW COMPLETE! Hheheee! Thanks Melissa!
So in my quest to get my shit together, I managed to actually get some work done at home and at work. I’ve been on a roll and now I’ve kinda peter’d out. I think that maybe the weather has something to do with it, or maybe it’s just a cycle that I’m going through. I’m not sure. Either way, I need to get back up and keep myself focused. Let’s see what was the trick to my motivation the last time? I suppose it was more caffeine. So I’m going to get some coffee. Here’s what is going on:
I have an appointment with a new Dr. I hope this one is better than the last. First: The office stored their specimen cups in a bag on the floor in the restroom. Second: The Dr. was neurotic about telling me about different medications that could kill me like Allegra D. I’m paranoid that when it comes time to get refill prescriptions on my Prozac he’ll tell me no and try to make me go without. BAD IDEA. Third: when I went to him to get my splinter out, he didn’t want to take it out I had to insist, he used the big ass pliers to get underneath my nail only to find out it was already infected and filled with puss. He couldn’t get it all out so I had to come back the next day and he said he felt so bad about how much it hurt he wanted to numb it like I had originally asked. He stuck the need in both sides of my finger before the knuckle telling me the anesthetic would travel down to the tip and I would only feel pressure. Well… that didn’t work. It only numbed where he stuck and so he just dug in like last time with the big pliers and retrieved the rest of the splinter. He also told me he was scared of needles and he had to sit down while he gave me the injections just in case he passed out. So I am going to see the new Dr. Anything can be better than that!
This will be a strange Autumn without seeing Marilyn Manson. We’ve gone to see him in concert for several years in a row. The show always topped off our summer activities and put a finishing touch on our Halloween. He’s not touring right now so we have to find something else to do.
We carved our pumpkins on Monday night. M found some red glow sticks to make the pumpkins extra special this year. That was fun!
M’s is a scary devil pumpkin, Christian’s is a cat in front of a moon, and mine is the cannibal pumpkin.
Have a great day!
12:50 PM
____________________________________
October 26
A Driving Desire
He starts pressuring me,
Begging every chance he gets.
He hugs into me and slides around me,
He hums his anticipation, his body jerks with excitement.
I just smile and stroke his ego,
He wants to go, and I do too.
I give in, there isn’t much else to do.
I push into him and he purrs with joy.
He lets go, gathering his speed.
Tingles run up my spine, (he has a way of doing that.)
He doesn’t rush, he takes his time, but he’s so good at it.
His speed increases and suddenly everything is a blur.
I grip him tightly feeling the adrenaline rush through me.
People begin to look at me in disgust.
They can’t believe I’d do such a thing in public.
I laugh at them, their men can’t please them
Their men can’t be as fast as mine and still get the job done.
He likes it in public, he likes to put on a show.
To show his strength, his power, his pleasure.
He asks for it every time we go out.
On the way to the grocery store,
Or a long stretch of high way.
Usually I give in.
I tell him I’ve had my fill, and that we are close to our destination.
He grumbles in objection, reluctantly giving in.
I loosen up on him and he eases off.
I look around as people look away with nervous eyes.
I grin and tell him not to pout in public,
We’ll give the people one last show.
I jerk the steering wheel to the left,
With every beat my car follows.
Again he picks up speed and flies past everyone,
And again people look with disgust at my recklessness.
But my man’s need for speed is too tempting to leave alone.
Besides I love driving my car.
by Christian Lowe
12:51 PM – Poems
______________________________________________________
October 27
picture
My sister left me that picture along with others a few weeks ago. She left them on my doorstep while I was at work.
I don't remember that day but it looks like we where having fun.
12:14 PM –
________________________________________________________________
October 31
Icing on your Yellow Cake
So my husband asks me last week what Yellow Cake is.
I was very surprised that he asked because he was the one who worked in the bakery! I was overwhelmed when he told me that he didn’t know what it was so I explained… “well, it’s a cake that’s yellow…” struggling to come up with the rest because that’s all I know about yellow cake. He promptly interrupted and said “noooo YELLOWCAKE! It’s a term they’re using to describe something to do with government issues”. “WHAT?” well that’s just stupid. So I decided to do a bit of Google research.
"The term yellowcake forgery refers to falsified documents which appeared to depict an attempt by Iraq's Saddam Hussein regime to purchase yellowcake uranium from the country of Niger, in defiance of United Nations sanctions. These documents were cited as evidence by the United States and United Kingdom governments during the Iraq disarmament crisis that…. Read the rest here
So that explains what it has to do with government but that doesn’t explain why it’s called yellow cake. Again I turned to Google….
The yellowcake produced by most modern mills is actually brown or black, not yellow; the name comes from the colour and texture of the concentrates produced by early mining operations. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yellowcake
So, there you have it. Yellowcake. Enjoy. With milk
